Is ESPN smarter than a fifth grader?

I've got a lot to talk about.

Chances are it won't all make it into this entry. and there's also a very good chance i'll never get around to talking about what doesn't make the cut. But there's always hope.

Album Review: Pearl Jam Rearview Mirror

Probably the easiest review ever.

Ever since my two-disk Live from Verona, Italy Pearl Jam CD disappeared, I've been looking for a suitable replacement (since you can't find it anywhere anymore). Luckily, I stumbled upon Rearview Mirror the other day, a greatest hits album that I think has been out for quite some time.

It seems the clever folks who compiled the CD's decided to put the harder stuff on disk one (marked by an up arrow), with the slower stuff on disk two (down). This is endlessly convenient. Disk two is perfect for the morning commute when I'm tired, disk one plays best on the evening drive home, when i'm full of road rage and murderous intentions.

Here is the total song list.

If i had never heard Live from Verona, Rearview Mirror would easily land a perfect score. But I can't do it, since it just isn't as good as its live-venue counterpart.

I give it a 9.67 out of 10.

Speaking of reviews...

It's my birthday, my buh buh buh birthday

Thanks to a gift card i received for my birthday, i went on a massive book-buying spree online last night. I think i ended up with 12 or 13 books. I think only a couple of them were by people i haven't read before, and three or four of them are Dresden Files books, since i've fallen a bit behind on the series.

So once those books start trickling in, I should have plenty to write about. i also have a second birthday-related gift card for when i'm ready to reload.

Please leave any recommendations in the comment section. My typical rule of thumb is that i don't like to read anything if it's meant to make me smarter. I don't mind books making me think, but i'd rather that be a side-effect of a well told story.

ESPN sucks at geography and customer assistance

Baseball opening day, which was Monday, is a minor holiday for me. I'm always at work, wishing i could be in front of the tv experiencing all-day baseball. But since I've never actually had a chance to experience all-day baseball on opening day, I can only assume it's glorious.

The best I can do, usually, is to catch the later games. Well, Monday, ESPN 2 was showing the Texas Rangers versus the California/Anaheim/Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim which was being played in California.

And, for some reason, the game was blacked out at my house. So we called DirecTV (i was just going to call Tuesday morning, but Courtney picked up the phone and called Monday night). They said it was an ESPN decision and it had something to do with local broadcast contracts.

So I e-mailed ESPN yesterday, after reading this flippant FAQ answer about blackouts on their site:

Hey, it's a rare occasion when we want to watch anything else except sports on ESPN or ABC either! But we've got these things called contracts that obligate us to black out areas (determined by teams, leagues or conferences) in order to protect local and regional television commitments, and/or to protect ticket sales. So we've got to play by the rules and, if our contract calls for us to black out, show something else (generally, ESPNEWS) in your area when a local team plays in a nationally televised game, when they are playing either home or away.

But we've got these things called contracts...you know what, ESPN, bite my ass.

So, why am i blaming ESPN for this, when the answer clearly says they don't determine the black out areas? Because, frankly, i wasn't happy with the way they handled my inquiry. As I just mentioned, that answer sucks, so i e-mailed them and asked how living in New Orleans in any way qualifies me to be in the regional television coverage area of freaking Dallas (but i was nice about it, pointing out that it's no less than a seven-hour drive between the two places. i don't exactly face a daily dilemma of deciding whether or not to hop in my car and go catch a Rangers game).




I got an e-mail reply from them that basically said, "thanks for the e-mail, we probably won't answer it."

Since they won't tell me whose fault it is, since they're too busy being dicks, i will assume that it's their fault.

stupid jackasses.

Don't know whether i was the boxer or the bag

Yesterday is that magical day where normally rational adults get entirely too worked up over where a bunch of 17- and 18-year-olds decide to play college football.

As you can probably guess, I am one of those people. I spent yesterday with a list of LSU committments and a highlighter, periodically stopping my work to mark off each name as the signed letter of intent was announced.

That is, until Joe McKnight announced he was going to USC.

I found out from my friend Michael, who sent me a text message. if said text message appeared in a newspaper, it would likely look like this:

F***

Knowing what that simple message meant, i sent him one in return. had it appeared in a newspaper, it would most likely look like this:

F***ing****faced****licking******bag*******ingdingleberryeatingcrotchrot****faced**********

Or, for the sake of space:

(expletive deleted)

I'm ashamed to say I had nightmares last night about McKnight's press conference. There's no good reason for me to get worked up about this.

Incidentally, I also had a dream that an old woman in a powder blue hooptie ran me down on the sidewalk because she thought i stole her microwave. luckily, i came away from the attempted pedestriancide with only a badly sprained knee. Also, working in my favor was the fact that it happened only a couple of blocks from the hospital. Unfortunately, the 911 operator said that since i was so close i would have to walk to the hospital.

But, I'd like to end this post on happy note. So here's a little souped-up Toto cover to help you fondly remember the time you touched the rain down in africa.

And i ain't seen the sunshine since I don't know when

I was going to devote this entire blog to television shows, but there was a glare in my rearview mirror on the drive to work this morning.

This was literally (and i mean literally as in "literally," not literally as in "figuratively" like some people like to use it much to my chagrin) the first time in two weeks i had seen the sun. Just thought it warrants a mention.

And now on to television.

Started watching "Deal or No Deal" the other day. Really like the premise of the game, and enjoy factoring the odds and all that while watching.

But, bobdamn, do i hate the contestants.

I don't know how they find such annoying people and their very annoying friends and family. I start out interested in the game and playing along, but by the end i'm rooting against the contestant more than anything.

i don't know how long i can keep watching with such a high annoyance level.

Not much for reality television, but i rather enjoy Top Chef on Bravo. The two people i was rooting for were booted last night (althought i wasn't awake to see the end). Now i don't know if i want to watch next week's finale because i'm going to drop-kick a puppy if Marcel wins.

One of my favorite series of books, Jim Butcher's Dresden Files, is now a tv show on Sci-Fi.

don't like the dresden character. too rugged/macho looking. not nearly clumsy/funny enough. definitely a noticeable lack of humor in the show. to be an hour long, the first half should be a lot funnier.

not enough incidental magic stuff (yes, it's about a wizard). he needs to do more of the little stupid spells instead of just blabbering on about the high council then using some lame doom box at the end.

too much father/flashback stuff.

it was basically a detective show with a cop-out "blow the bad guy up" ending. needs to boost the cleverness factor a lot.

otherwise, it was watchable.

I made the mistake of letting Courtney watch Friday Night Lights several weeks ago. Now that I'm ready to quit watching it because of the unbelievable football stuff (although last night's episode was infinitely better as far as that goes), Courtney is addicted to all the soap opera crap involved.