i was a victim of a crime this morning.
A drive-by uterus.
I was walking into the kitchen at work to get my morning coffee and there, taped to the door, were pictures of some lady's uterus.
This is apparently some sort of female ritual. They get pregnant and they want people to see their insides.
In a society where you can't show boobies on television, it is perfectly acceptable to say "look, world, I vaginally ingested some semen and it stuck. now there's a baby inside me. please relish its fuzzy, gray cuteness."
If all matters of childbirth are so cuddly, how come you don't ever see people passing around pictures of their shit- and blood-covered c-section? "and heeere's them stacking my intestines on my chest to get to little Mable Claudine, who was the most precious mix of fetal-pig pink and snot."
Now if you are one of those people who enjoy seeing uterae (i'm assuming uterus is a female noun), more power to you. your friends' can keep their pictures in an envelope and ask if you want to see them. You can say yes.
As for me, I have no interest in such matters. See me in a few months when the baby is born, clean and wearing clothes.
and i'll look at all the pictures you have.
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2 comments:
what, you don't pass around photos of your proudest shit? is it just me? and here i thought that jaw-on-the-floor look people were giving me was just because they were impressed!
i am loving the name of this post. bravo.
and as a person who has had one of these "photos" taken of her uterus, may i just say that if your worst experience with a uterus is having to see an image of it... then be grateful, very grateful. you could have one... and then have a person stuck in there without a fire escape to climb out of. nono.. there's only two ways out... and all pregnant women are deathly afraid of both- even if they don't admit it.
chimichanga... and a tortilla too.
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