I Can't Remember Anything, Part 4 of a 2-part series

Nothing you care to read from last weekend...

It's become cliche' (as has the phrase, 'it's become cliche') to say "oh, everything but country" when one is asked about the type of music he or she listens to. It's sort of like how all the cool 20-something artistic types like to answer religious inquiries with, "I'm not really religious, but i really tend to lead toward buddhism. I also find Taoism especially interesting."

You know what, take that hand of yours that's holding Art of War and kindly shove it right up your ass. But back to the weekend.

Except for a little Kenny Wayne Shephard during our tailgating, we listened to country music all weekend. I can say that i like country music, since i grew up listening to Hank Williams Sr., Johnny Cash and others. But i really can't stomach the new stuff.

It's awful. So the drive Sunday morning to Atlanta was especially difficult to stomach.

So to help pass the time, i played a game i made up called "What recent crappy hit song is this current crappy hit song ripping off." Here's some of the couple i can call to mind. And before you play the "for somebody who doesn't like those songs you sure do know a lot about them" card, you can just use it as a bookmark for the copy of Art of War currently up your ass. Courtney is a new-country-music addict, and i can't help but hear the stuff.

she really likes that song called "Slow Down" or something with that line "not asking you to turn back around, but i'd settle for a slow down." i like to make up fake words to it like "i'm not asking you to party just now, but i'd settle for a hoe down." courtney looooooves when i do that.

But back to the game. Rosco Flap (who also sings the gayest version of "Life is a Highway" I've ever heard) (and i mean "gay" as in "gay" not "gay" as in "homosexual" or "happy") has this song now that will be played at every high school graduation in the country in may. It's a rip-off of "I hope you dance."

Then there's this war song which is a rip-off of every other war song written in the last three years.

Then there's a brooks and dunn song about rednecks or hicks or something that's a rip off of every other brooks and dunn song and another song about a redneck yacht club and another song about walmart.

then there's a song about a pregnancy test that is a ripoff of every other gimicky country song ever written and shouldn't have been written anyway because it's the stupidest song i ever heard.

i take that back, there was another song i heard twice and i said each time, "this is the stupidest song i've ever heard." but i guess i blocked it out because i can't remember what it was.

then there are all those songs that try to be clever about just being dumped and you think they're going to be sad, but they're actually about how happy the person is. All of those songs are rip offs of other songs like that....don't remember which one came out first.

I think that's about it.

We stopped in Marietta, Georgia to watch the Saints-Tampa Bay game at a Buffalo Wild Wings. I may have mentioned before that i can't go to eat anywhere without something going wrong (i guess it's payback for purposely over-tipping my whole life).

we get there and all order our drinks. The women folk order "Dos Equis light" which i had never heard of, but specify that they want the one in the green bottle. I also want a Dos Equis in a green bottle (not my first choice, but they didn't really have any beer i like. brands of beer i like, i like a lot, but there really aren't that many brands out there i care for), so i order a Dos Equis lager.

The waiter comes back and gives the women folk their dos equis lagers and hands me a dos equis amber. I'm not at all surprised. but i drink it anyway because for some reason, i have a soft spot for those in the food industry.

After i finish my amber, i tell the waiter i want another drink, but i want what the womens is drinking. he says, "dos equis light?" and i just say "yeah, that." so he brings me my lager and all is right in the world.

I think i peed 8 times at Buffalo Wild Wings.

After the Saints game, the women went shoe shopping to kill time while me and mr. david drank beer in the shopping center parking lot. Then we went to the atlanta airport.

we were really early, so i had to sit next to this group of people who annoyed the piss out of me. i can't think of anything in particular (other than the way one guy pronounced "tour" "too-er"), they mostly just sucked.

The flight home was pretty uneventful. I rotated between reading Hound of the Baskervilles and dozing off. There's something cartoonish about Sherlock Holmes, so i have trouble reading it as a serious murder/mystery book, but overall it's a good read. But i think Dr. Watson is a big pansy (and i mean "pansy" as in "pansy" not "Pansy" as in...nevermind").

Then we went back to courtney's parents house and went to sleep. It gets cold when we stay there sometimes so i got two blankets (the guest room has one of those beds with a bed that pulls out from underneath it and pops up, so when we sleep together at her parents' house i pull out and pop up and she takes the main bed).

At some point during the night, my top blanket fell off. courtney got up to use the bathroom and when she got back to bed she took the blanket off the floor and used it. So a bit later i wake up and see that she is using my blanket, which pissed me off (because i think she stole it).

So i roll over and call her "a f'ing jew." (i guess i watch more south park than i realize, because never ever ever ever in a conscious state would i use the word jew as a derogatory word) (and i realize it should be "an f'ing" since the sound starts with a vowel [eff] but i didn't use the abridged version and the full version starts with a consonent sound [fuh].)

Monday morning i get the whole story on the blanket scandal. Notice i didn't say blanketgate. Nixon's cronies did not break into the Water Hotel and once it became a scandal they called it "Watergate." I hate it when people put "gate" at the end of any scandal. If they broke into the Motel 6, they wouldn't call it Blanket6.

anyway, i felt really bad because not only had i used a culturally insensitive insult that really isn't an insult anyway, but i used it for someone who didn't do anything wrong.

The end.

I will now entertain questions from the audience.