A womb with a view

i was a victim of a crime this morning.

A drive-by uterus.

I was walking into the kitchen at work to get my morning coffee and there, taped to the door, were pictures of some lady's uterus.

This is apparently some sort of female ritual. They get pregnant and they want people to see their insides.

In a society where you can't show boobies on television, it is perfectly acceptable to say "look, world, I vaginally ingested some semen and it stuck. now there's a baby inside me. please relish its fuzzy, gray cuteness."

If all matters of childbirth are so cuddly, how come you don't ever see people passing around pictures of their shit- and blood-covered c-section? "and heeere's them stacking my intestines on my chest to get to little Mable Claudine, who was the most precious mix of fetal-pig pink and snot."

Now if you are one of those people who enjoy seeing uterae (i'm assuming uterus is a female noun), more power to you. your friends' can keep their pictures in an envelope and ask if you want to see them. You can say yes.

As for me, I have no interest in such matters. See me in a few months when the baby is born, clean and wearing clothes.

and i'll look at all the pictures you have.

Bad writing kills world's oldest person

The woman featured in the previous post's story is dead.

I hope that writer is proud of himself.

slip away, i can feel it all slip away from me

Ok, check this out. She's old, right? Read that lead again...

A Connecticut woman born to former slaves in the decades following the U.S. Civil War has become the world's oldest person, at 114, according to Guinness World Records.

See that?

The lady is 114, she doesn't need some lame-ass attempt from some writer to make her sound older. She's 114!

2007 (now)-114 (her age)=1892 (her birth year)

Civil War: 1861 to 1865

Never mind the fact that she was born in (Wayne Campbell voice) "a year" not "decades"-- choosing the Civil War as the point of reference was bullshit. She was born nearly 30 years after it was over. Just lame (unless, of course, her amazing longevity truely can be attributed to her multi-decadenal gestation). (i'm also reasonably certain i misspelled several words in that last sentence.)

That's like saying "Seth, who was born in the decades following the Kennedy assassination..."

1892(her birth year) - 1865 (end of war) = 27 years

1980 (my birth year) - 1963 (Kennedy assassination) = 17 years

I was born a full decade closer to the Kennedy assassination than she was to the end of the Civil War. How many people associate Kennedy with the 19 flippin 80's?

Things that happened in 1892 that would have been a better comparison than that lame-ass Civil War shit:

-Rules of basketball published

-Ellis Island opens

-Columbus sails the ocean blue

-Lizzie Bordon chops up stuff...people mostly

-Grover Cleveland elected president

Just crappy writing. and if anybody knows crappy writing, it's me.