A womb with a view

i was a victim of a crime this morning.

A drive-by uterus.

I was walking into the kitchen at work to get my morning coffee and there, taped to the door, were pictures of some lady's uterus.

This is apparently some sort of female ritual. They get pregnant and they want people to see their insides.

In a society where you can't show boobies on television, it is perfectly acceptable to say "look, world, I vaginally ingested some semen and it stuck. now there's a baby inside me. please relish its fuzzy, gray cuteness."

If all matters of childbirth are so cuddly, how come you don't ever see people passing around pictures of their shit- and blood-covered c-section? "and heeere's them stacking my intestines on my chest to get to little Mable Claudine, who was the most precious mix of fetal-pig pink and snot."

Now if you are one of those people who enjoy seeing uterae (i'm assuming uterus is a female noun), more power to you. your friends' can keep their pictures in an envelope and ask if you want to see them. You can say yes.

As for me, I have no interest in such matters. See me in a few months when the baby is born, clean and wearing clothes.

and i'll look at all the pictures you have.

pass the mind bleach, please

we all, or at least most of us, have that internal editor that warns us sternly when we're about to say something we really shouldn't.

Mine is screaming its lungs out right now, because i'm about to say something that really doesn't need to be shared with the rest of the class. Common sense tells me just to drop it and never speak of it with anyone, for fear that people might realize how strange I really am.

But I wasn't born with a wealth of common sense. So i'll just throw this out there.

I had a dream last night that Katie Holmes had sex with a horse in a harness over the Grand Canyon.

Luckily, I didn't actually witness said act in the dream.

The dream was actually from the perspective of a newscast. the anchor was talking about a video that had leaked to the public of Katie Holmes having sex with a horse because Tom Cruise wanted her too.

The station then showed a clip of the video, with Katie Holmes and a horse in individual red, nylon harnesses hanging over the grand canyon. Before it showed anything, the newscast cut to an interview with Holmes, talking about the experience and how much she loves her husband and all that. she basically looked and sounded brainwashed.

anyway, that was it.