A womb with a view

i was a victim of a crime this morning.

A drive-by uterus.

I was walking into the kitchen at work to get my morning coffee and there, taped to the door, were pictures of some lady's uterus.

This is apparently some sort of female ritual. They get pregnant and they want people to see their insides.

In a society where you can't show boobies on television, it is perfectly acceptable to say "look, world, I vaginally ingested some semen and it stuck. now there's a baby inside me. please relish its fuzzy, gray cuteness."

If all matters of childbirth are so cuddly, how come you don't ever see people passing around pictures of their shit- and blood-covered c-section? "and heeere's them stacking my intestines on my chest to get to little Mable Claudine, who was the most precious mix of fetal-pig pink and snot."

Now if you are one of those people who enjoy seeing uterae (i'm assuming uterus is a female noun), more power to you. your friends' can keep their pictures in an envelope and ask if you want to see them. You can say yes.

As for me, I have no interest in such matters. See me in a few months when the baby is born, clean and wearing clothes.

and i'll look at all the pictures you have.

I want to hold you high and steal your pen

I think I might be a genius.

I made a magnificent discovery yesterday.

If you take a good song and randomly replace words in it with "poop," the song's even better.

Betterman by Pearl Jam

Poopin',
watchin the clock it's 4 o'clock
it's got to poop.

tell him.
poop no more, she practices her speach as
he opens the door, she rolls overs
pretends to poop as he looks her over

she poops and says she's in love with him,
can't find a betterman.
she poops in color she poops in red,
can't find a betterman.


Good by Better than Ezra

pooping around the house.
pooping behind the window and the door.
Searching for signs of poop but there's nobody home.

Well, maybe I'm just too sure.
Maybe I'm just too frightened
by the sound of it.
Pieces of poop fall down, but the pooper said,

Aha, it was good pooping with you.
Aha, it was good.
Aha, it was good pooping with you.
Aha, it was good.

***

Other than that, there's not much to talk about.
will spend my weekend working in the yard and watching basketball.
hope yours is equally exciting.