he' s a bum on my stoop, i gave him 50 cents to buy him some soup

Earlier today (as in three minutes ago) i was reading my friend Ryan's blog. he was talking about overhearing somebody's conversation at White Castle. so i thought i would write about overhearing conversations my ownself.

I am the anti-nosy. the most uncomfortable situations i find myself in are ones where i am a captive audience to other people yakking. It's not that i'm above gossiping, it's that i'm probably the most judgmental person I know.

My career involves going to experts for their opinions on things and i think i've got a pretty good ear for catching when somebody knows what they're talking about (if they use phrases like "capacity building" they're a can't-miss sources). But my big problem is people have very few things they're experts on, so chances are if i hear you talking about something, i'm going to think you're an idiot. and it drives me nuts. i find myself getting antsy and repeatedly muttering "i hate stupid people."

for example, sporting events. invariably, when i attend a game i will be sitting directly in front of some yahoo who will talk for three solid hours about sports and not have a clue what they're talking about. that's the biggest drawback of sports, they can be rather entertaining, even for people who don't what's going on enough to talk about it logically.

I enjoy talking about sports and think i know a good deal about them. I also keep a running list of people i will talk sports with and how deep i'm willing to venture into a conversation with that person. (I know that sounds arrogant, but i'd rather look like a snob than pretend to be interested in a conversation that begins "don't know why they keep playin' that black quarterback." )

The problem is people would rather sound like an expert than learn something, so instead of asking a question, they make stuff up. For example, I will never say that a basketball player "moves well without the ball" (a pretty generic comment to make while discussing the game). I've always been under the impression that basketball players stand where they're told, so i don't know how to interpret the various mannerisms of those people sans basketball. And I'm OK with that. I'll talk about something i can understand.

And along those lines, i can handle people who admit they don't know something. every once in a while -- and i try my darndest not to do it -- i'll turn around and help someone with the answer to whatever they're discussing, assuming they sound curious to know the answer and aren't just stupidly discussing something they have no clue about. for example, there were two people at an LSU football game last season who were talking about how to measure the distance for punts and fieldgoals. So i told them.

But i'm venturing away from the point of this, i meant to illustrate that i'm a judgmental ass, not a sports conversation snob. To paraphrase Mark Twain, if i had more time this blog would have been shorter. (i prefer stream on consciousness writing on here instead of editing myself. trying to have a coherent point is way too much work.)

anyway, the other night i was in line to see "The Break-up." I wanted to watch it because my favorite band, Old 97's, are in it for a few minutes. It was opening night, so we had to stand in a roped off area waiting for them to open the room where the movie was playing. Unfortunately, the wait meant that i would be a captive audience to another couple's conversation.

On this particular night, I was able to hear some woman talk about how "The Break-up" would be such a big draw because Vince Vaughn and Jennifer Anniston were really dating and people were interested in finding out how that relationship would translate onto the big screen. I tend to think people like that woman read way too damned much into things. So now, despite the fact that the woman next to us could have been an absolute saint, the fact that i had to stand next to her means she will be forever enshrined in the Hall of People Who Annoy the Piss Out of Me.