well, i have absolutely nothing to say today. So maybe it's time for another self-interview.
Q. Thanks for stopping by.
A: Glad to be here, Bob.
Q: My name's not Bob.
A: Stop changing the subject.
Q. OK, moving along. What's on your mind?
A: Well, i'm a little pissed i had to change out the water doo-hicky in the breakroom again. I've started marking the jugs when i put a new one in. surprisingly enough, i have yet to change one that somebody else put in.
Q: So i guess, then, one can only conclude that you drink enough water at work to empty a five gallon jug of water in three days.
A: yes, because surely if someone else is the person who empties the water before i use it they would certainly have the decency to change the jug they ownselfs. I must be taking the last of the water my ownself and forgetting to replace the jug until i go back for more.
Q: You must be one water-drinkin' sumbitch.
A: You're telling me, Bob.
Q: My name's not Bob.
A: whatever.
Q: So how's married life treating you?
A: Um...it's good.
Q: I sensed some hesitation.
A: Don't really want to talk about it.
Q: Come on, you can tell me.
A:Well, Bob, my wife cheats at Skip-Bo and last night she made me eat an entire chocolate cake and then while i was eating it she took the cake and threw it away.
Q: That wasn't very nice.
A: oh, it was horrible. Worse than the Britney Spears interview she made me watch. Even worse than matt lauer not wearing socks during the britney spears interview. See, what happened was she asked if i wanted chocolate cake because it had been in the fridge for a few weeks. and i said "no, i'm not particularly hungry, oh sunshine of my life." and she was all like, "I can't believe you're going to waste that cake my dad brought you." so i got a fork and started to eat the whole cake and i'm pretty sure my stomach was going to explode but i kept eating. then she called me a "drama queen" and threw my cake away.
Q: Wait a second, did you just say you play Skip-Bo?
A. Oh, you caught that? yeah, you know, we're two 20-something newlyweds with the house to ourselves and not a care in the world. what else is could we possibly do besides play Skip-Bo?
Q: Well, it starts with "s" and doesn't end with "kip-Bo"
A: Oh, we do that, too. In fact, we've been known to go at if for hours on end, day after day after day. Our marathon Scrabble games are legendary, you know. We also play mexican dominoes.
Q: good to know. does your wife cheat at Scrabble, too?
A: Without fail. She pretty much cheats at anything she beats me at. which is pretty much everything.
Q: how do you tolerate living with someone of such deplorable game-playing practices?
A: It's tough, Bob.
Q: I bet people feel sorry for you.
A: absolutely, people always tell me how rough i have it and how she really lucked out to find someone with my combination of charm, wit and spectacularly sculpted physique.
Q: You truly are a saint.
A: why thank you, Bob.
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3 comments:
Resorting to my embarrass-Courtney idea, I see. She really should retaliate. That could be fun for all of us.
I hate it when people don't replace the jug! I've even made it very clear that if others can't lift the jugs, to please let me know and I will replace it for them. It really makes me mad to go get water and there isn't any. There is also the rare occasion when someone else replaces the water jug, but uses the last jug and doesn't tell anybody, least of all the one person who can reorder more water. Then there is no water, because our library does not have a water fairy. Ack!
Oh, yeah...don't you ever feel as though you're putting yourself in needless danger?
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